I awoke from, yet another, nightmare, and immediately thought, "great time to write the 13th verse of IDENTITY." And, I started to do so, and then stopped.
13 is a very significant number to so
many. What does it mean to me? Is it or has it been the source of "bad luck." Really, an easy answer. I do not believe in luck, good or bad. And, maybe, that is what "13." should be about. I have been struggling with the turning point for IDENTITY.
When should it transition from a very real state of abuse-induced gloom and doom to a very real reflection of what living with my history is like. When should it reflect that recovery from childhood abuse is, sometimes, the same hell, just different demons intent on destroying you, and when, should I
reveal, that, my recovery involved multiple suicide attempts, countless
episodes of self-injury, years of therapy and medication. And, then, when, do I let you see, that there is still this light inside of me? That, I do not believe in luck, good or bad.
That 13 is just a number like any other number, and that, we have choices. We think we don't, but, we always do. We can choose to let them win and live, and, probably die,
encapsulated by their darkness. Or,
we defy all that they sought to leave as their legacy. They thought they had shattered me, destroyed my soul. That their fate was my fate. But, I will not dwell in hell. You see, I am still holding light. And, maybe this is 13.